V-Day

I'm single on Valentine's Day.

That doesn't bother me as much as it does my friends. In fact, it doesn't bother me at all.

I have no problem with being single. Could I be happier in a relationship? Maybe.

But I'm not in one right now, so why stress over it?

Nope, it's not my being single that bothers me.

It's them.

I Wonder

I like that time at night, where you're laying in bed and have nothing to do but think.

I think about a lot of things.

What people think of me

All the work I should have gotten done but didn't

What on Earth I'm going to do with my life

If I should listen to what people are telling me.

That last one's quite a dilemma. I don't want to listen to them, but they're right. Denial.

But there's that little shred of hope that maybe they're wrong.

And that's what keeps me up at night.

Tired

I'm just so tired. All the time.

Physically and emotionally.

No matter how much sleep I get, I'm still fatigued by mid-morning. I nap, I go to bed early, but nothing works.

I got 14 hours of sleep today. And I'm exhausted.

I'm so tired emotionally. Just so sick and tired of people. Their attitudes toward me, toward life, and just in general. All they do is bitch and moan.

I'm not saying that no one should ever complain, Lord knows half my posts on here is me complaining, but at least the other half is me being happy with my life. Those people should be happy with theirs, because they all have pretty wonderful lives.

Just get over yourselves and realize how good you've got it. How many people love you and care about you.

I know. I'm a hypocrite.

At least today had a bit of good in it. I ate a big-ass plate of sushi. Yum.

She

She doesn't even care.

Formal

It was fun. After I got over myself and just accepted the night for what it was, it was amazing.

There were some moments I wish I could've re-done.

Wish I could've talked some sense into myself, to just enjoy the entire night.

To not see them and want to be mad.

And you know what?

I wasn't.

It took a little time to realize, but eventually I got it.

It was a fun night.

Don't

There's a lot of things in this world that I don't understand.

Why does my bed always feel so rock hard and uncomfortable when I'm trying to fall asleep, but so amazingly heavenly when I have to wake up?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Why does toast always land butter side down?

Why do cats always land on their feet?

What would happen if I strapped a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat?

How can people be so mean?

She yelled at me today. Which isn't a big surprise, she yells at me a lot.

But at least normally I know why she's yelling at me.

Today she yelled at me because I un-loaded the entire dishwasher instead of only half. She was yelling something about how now I wasn't going to help her load and how I was just trying to do the easy work.

Maybe that's what she would've done. But I wouldn't have tried to cheat her into doing more work.

I was going to unload and load the dishwasher so that she would only have to hand wash a couple of dishes. She looked so peaceful on the couch, I didn't want to disturb her, make her come do work.

Funny how that feeling always turns into a screaming match.

Hate That Question

Have you been crying?

God I hate that question. Yes, I have been crying. No I will not admit to that.

I'm going to say that my allergies have been acting up.

Allergy eyes and crying eyes don't look the same. We all know that. Yet they'll nod and say that they're kid/niece/brother/whatever goes through that during the summer.

Bull. Shit.

I also don't like the actual act of crying. My throat tightens and lumps up. My eyes tingle and then start to water. My nose drips. Next thing I know tears are pouring down my face and the only way I can breathe is through choked sobs.

It sucks.

And then once I'm done crying I sit there like an idiot, my eyes fire engine red and burning, snot dripping from my face, blubbering like a baby.

Personally, I don't see the point.